I ADMIT, I am WRONG
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The doctor that was brought over was a very experienced and knowledgeable physician in his field. He’d even studied abroad for many years and had seen many cases similar to this. But, this is the first time he had ever seen someone hurt to such a degree as Bai Luo Yin. His thick brows bunched up together into a frown. Signs of astonishment and doubt settled neatly on those wrinkles aligning the space between his knitted brows. He looks at the wound for a few seconds, then narrows his eye and averts his gaze toward Gu Hai. A second later, his eyes returns to the wound and finally it only ended up glancing at Gu Hai again. Neither a single word or sound were produced during this exchange.
Gu Hai became anxious, “Doctor, how is he?”
“It’s fine, don’t worry. It’s only a superficial wound.”
Unable to relax his heart, that wild pulsating muscle inside of Gu Hai’s chest, continued to ache. He pulled the doctor over to him and asked, “There won’t be any permanent damages right?”
“This……,” the doctor seemed troubled for a few seconds, “It’s best not to let this happen a second time.”
What the doctor meant was that, it was best not to use this kind of rough and cruel method, a second time. But, Gu Hai had misunderstood. He took it as, in the future, he can not do this type of thing anymore. His face immediately darkened. Its’ complexion, buried underneath the somber darkness of those words. But, at this point in time he couldn’t even spare a moment to think about it.
Bai Luo Yin was critically wounded. What’s more important is, how can he, help him get better as soon as possible is…
“Doctor, if it’s just a superficial wound, how could he have fainted?”
The doctor looked sympathetically at Bai Luo Yin, threw out a long sigh and faintly said, “You’re asking how could he have fainted…? Of course it’s due to the pain.”
Once he heard that particular word, pain, Gu Hai’s lips lost all of its’ colors. And, as it faded into a ghastly pallor, he asked, “Does it…does it hurt that much?”
The doctor patiently explained to Gu Hai, “The tissues surrounding the anus possess an abundant of nerve endings, the majority of which, are directly connected to the spinal cord where pain and other sensations are communicated and or perceived. It’s also highly populated with blood vessels. Therefore, this area is more susceptible to pain. You should go and visit the hospital rooms for patients that had undergone a hemorrhoid surgery. Just go, take a look. Healthy and strong men like you, each and every single one of them, would wail like a ghost and howl like wolves. I’m not trying to scare you, but this kind of pain exceeds an average person endurance limitation.”
Gu Hai remained rooted in place; his stature stiffened like a wooden stake. With an ironclad face, he tried to calculate the time, the amount of time…
How long did I do it? Twenty minutes? Half an hour? Or……an hour?
Regrets welled up in his heart as he recalled Bail Luo Yin’s distorted face. Gu Hai then wished he could hack himself into thousands of pieces.
“Help me hold him down for a bit. I have to treat his wound first,” said the doctor.
Gu Hai returned to his senses and quickly went to wash his hands. When he came back, he did as the doctor instructed and held down Bai Luo Yin’s waist. The doctor carefully and gently parted said boy’s butt cheeks.
Never once did Gu Hai dare to look any closer. Just from observing the expression in the doctor’s eyes, he knew how grave the situation down there was.
“In a moment, if he struggles, you have to hold him down firmly, as to avoid getting cut by these instruments.”
The expression on Gu Hai’s face changed, “What…he’s already unconscious, how can he struggle?”
The doctor, once again said a string of words that were so painful, it struck at the core of Gu Hai’s being. He would rather be dead than breathe a second longer.
“He will most likely wake up from the pain.”
Surely enough…as expected, when the doctor used a speculum to slightly expanded the rectum in order to sterilize the rectal lining, Bai Luo Yin’s suddenly moved for a few seconds. His eyes had yet to crack open when his fingers curled tightly together into a fist. Pain crawled mercilessly onto every inch and corner of his face before beads of finely formed sweats danced across it.
The pain in Gu Hai’s heart thrashed about in misery. He faced the doctor and roared in anger, “Can’t you be a bit more gentle? Are you here to help stop the pain or to kill him?”
The doctor is a lot older in age and being yelled at by a kid certainly didn’t make him feel good. His face rearranged itself, discontent.
“Let me tell you, whichever doctor comes, this process still has to be done. If you think I’m not treating him well enough, you can get another doctor right now.”
After his burst of struggle, Bai Luo Yin lost consciousness again. His body now drained of all vitality.
With a pale face void of all color, Gu Hai’s peered down at Bai Luo Yin one last time before his hands made contact with said boy’s waist, holding down on it. A slight movement in his eyes signaled the doctor to continue.
This process continued on for about five minutes. The doctor tried his best to lessen the movements and be more gentle, but this only meant that Bai Luo Yin had to suffer even longer.
Throughout this process, Bai Luo Yin had awoken about four or five times. And each time, he writhed and swayed about in pain. All Gu Hai could do was hold him down firmly. Even if he couldn’t hold him down, he still forced himself to, that was only until Bai Luo Yin fainted again. Afterwards, he would wake up once more. It went on like this until the doctor said that it was done……
It was the same as experiencing damnation in purgatory for the first time.
Tear welled up in Gu Hai’s eyes. Tried as he might, but he was no longer able to hold them back. They trickled out of his eyes, travelled down his face, mixed with beads of sweats and flowed down uncontrollably. The strings around his heart knotted together tightly as they gripped the throbbing muscle. It was a heart-wrenching and unusual sight.
The doctor couldn’t help but glanced at Gu Hai several times.
This kid looks quite strong and sturdy. How can he be so weak and fragile? The person that’s wounded hasn’t even cried as bad as this. Look at you, you don’t even look human anymore sadly sobbing like that.
If you had known it was going to be like this, why did you do it?
“Okay, that’s enough. I was just scaring you just now so that you’d learn a lesson. His body is quite weak right now, so he’ll be more sensitive to pain. It’s fine, such a big kid like him won’t die from pain! But you, you have to keep this in your memory, don’t make such stupid mistakes next time!”
Afterwards, as he attached an IV drip to Bai Luo Yin, he instructed Gu Hai, “For the next few days, don’t let him eat anything. There’s severe damages to the inner lining of the rectum so any bowel movements can cause it to easily be infected. I’ve put him on an IV drip for now. That should give him enough energy to go about with his daily activities. Everything else must be avoided.”
Gu Hai painstakingly nodded his head.
After a while, a nurse brought medicines over, the majority of which were topical applications as well as some oral ones. It was all there. The instructions were written on surface of each package. The doctor proceeded to pass the medicines, along with his contact information over to Gu Hai. He then informed Gu Hai to contact him if anything peculiar occur. Not long after, he rushed out, leaving the nurse behind to take care of the patient, since he needed to attend other places.
When the infusion of the nutrient within the IV bag was completed, the nurse prepared to take her leave. But, without warning, Gu Hai discovered that Bai Luo Yin had a fever so he immediately stopped the nurse. The nurse then measured Bai Luo Yin’s temperature and sure enough, it was higher than usual. She quickly called the doctor who hurried back. He gave Bai Luo Yin some antipyretic medications to help reduce his fever. Once again he instructed Gu Hai to not let Bai Luo Yin get cold, in other words, keep him nice and cozy. By the time he left, it was already quite late.
With his naked body, Gu Hai tightly held onto Bai Luo Yin, hugging every inch of him. This way, he can directly feel Bai Luo Yin’s body temperature as well as warm up the bed. Two thick cotton comforter settled neatly on top of the two boys. The temperature inside the room had already gotten pretty high.
Both Gu Hai and Bai Luo Yin sweated profusely. They remained in this condition late into the night until Gu Hai sensed that Bai Luo Yin’s temperature gradually lowered.
In the morning, Gu Hai called for someone to bring new bed sheets and comforters to replace the ones that had been damped.
The doctor came to check up for a few second, gave a few more instructions then left immediately after. The nurse put Bai Luo Yin on another IV drip and after it finished, she left as well.
It wasn’t until it was close to noon time, did Bai Luo Yin awakened.
Before this, Gu Hai has yet to drink even a drop of water. He remained at the bedside, neither moving or making a sound the entire time. He stayed there for so long that the skin underneath his eyes has darkened.
In his mind, as if chanting, he kept on calling out to Bai Luo Yin, to quickly wake up. But at the same time, he was afraid that once those dark eyes opened…he was afraid that he’ll tell him to fucking leave…afraid that he won’t be able to atone for his despicable crime.
But, on the contrary, Bai Luo Yin doesn’t have any feelings. When he finally opened his eyes, his first reaction was, PAIN.
Why was it so painful?
From the top of his head to the sole of his feet, from within his bones to the surface of his skin, every inch of his entire body cried out PAIN.
Within these twenty something hours, it was like he had experienced the cycle of reincarnation.
The scene from twenty hours ago stretched out its’ horrendous arm, beckoning him. But he doesn’t let them so effortlessly flow back. He doesn’t dare to remember any of it at all. He would rather believe that it was all a dream…just a dream. But now, the person that cause this nightmare laid beside him.
Those lifeless, blood shoot eyes, seized him and looked him up and down.
Gu Hai tried to touch Bai Luo Yin’s shoulder with his hands for a second, “Do you feel a little better?”
“Don’t touch me!”
It’s just that right now, Bai Luo Yin is especially afraid, frightened, of anyone touching him.
It felt as if his entire body was covered in wounds. Not even a single spot, a single pore, was left unwounded. No where on him can be touched. Even the nerves on his face cried out in pain when he spoke this loud.
Now, Bai Luo Yin remained lying on his stomach on the bed. His face is turned toward Gu Hai’s direction, eyes fixated on him. After a long while in that position, his neck began to ache, so, with much difficulty, he turned his head to the other side. A humming sound goes off in his head.
From the time Bai Luo Yin stopped him, to the moment he turned his head to the other side, Gu Hai watched, attentively and seriously. He absorbed every single detail of the other boy’s actions, imprinting them into his brain.
Gu Hai knew, that Bai Luo Yin used these manners to express his contempt and hatred toward him. Even though he had prepared his heart for this earlier…but, it was different. Having this scene really materialize right in front of his very eyes, Gu Hai’s heart tightened and twisted in all directions.
“I know…you want me to disappear from your sight. I admit, I regret it now. You have the right to choose who you like, who you love…the right to experience a love that I might not like, the right to go abroad……it’s me, who stubbornly believed that I was right……it’s me, who selfishly want to keep you here. If I had known you would suffer so much, endure so much…I wouldn’t have done it even if I was beaten to death! I would rather she lied to you. Even if you were to get hurt in the future, at the very least, I wouldn’t have to see it……”
“When you feel better, if you want to kick me from this floor down, I won’t even refuse or protest. But right now, please let me stay here. You also, don’t wish for anyone else to see you injured like this, right?”
“I’ve destroyed all of your dignity in front of her…it must have been difficult to accept right? I don’t want to reopen your wounds again, but there’s no need for you to take it to heart. Really, how can a person like her, who’s willing to degrade herself and fool around with others, know what dignity is? Of course, I’m not trying to find an excuse for myself. It’s just, I don’t want you to take things to heart and be depressed.”
“Yin Zi, when you’re better, you can stab me a few times.”
After what seems like a millennium, Bai Luo Yin wasn’t able to endure it any longer as he opened his mouth and said: “Can you not talk anymore?”
Now his entire body felt sore and it ached all over. His spirit was extremely tired, so tired that all he wanted was some peace and quiet. But since he opened his eyes, this person babbled on endlessly right beside him. It felt as though his brain was about to explode any second now. A desolate void has taken over his head right now, all he felt was the emptiness swirling about. His body was already at it limit. He doesn’t have the energy nor the concentration to think about those questions.
“Why won’t you let me talk?” Gu Hai still insisted.
Bai Luo Yin replied back with what little vitality he had left in him, “I’m annoyed.”
Gu Hai didn’t utter another word nor make any more sounds. He simply laid there beside Bai Luo Yin and quietly watched him. His eyes never left the boy beside him.
Bai Luo Yin fell asleep again. This time he slept for almost two hours. After waking up, his spirit felt a bit better, energy slowly made their way back into him, but his body was still in pain and continued to ache all over.
When Gu Hai saw that Bai Luo Yin had awoken, he took the initiative to get off the bed and made his way toward the windows.
He was afraid that Bai Luo Yin was trying to avoid him, unwilling to turn his head around. Especially if doing so, would cause his neck to meet with those enormous pain and torment.
But in reality, Bai Luo Yin did not think too much of anything. He was willing to comply with anything as long as his neck was comfortable. At this point, all his movements were influenced by how his body is feeling.
“I’m a bit hungry,” Bai Luo Yin managed to squeeze out a sentence in between the pain.
Gu Hai vaguely heard Bai Luo Yin said something to him. He swiftly turned his body around, surprise clearly drawn out across his face.
“What did you say?”
Bai Luo Yin opened his mouth to speak again, “Is there anything to eat?”
The smile on Gu Hai’s face gradually faded and became frozen as it intermingled with the air surrounded them. Sadness once again struck at his already grieve stricken heart, tugging at it without any remorse.
It was already difficult to get him to talk to me, it was already difficult for him to demand something of me…it was already difficult for me to finally be able to do something for him, but who would have thought that it was because……he wanted to eat.
“There’s nothing?” Bai Luo Yin licked his lips up and down.
Gu Hai steadily turned his head away, afraid to look at the expression on Bai Luo Yin’s face. He doesn’t dare look, not even the slightest temptation could deter him. “The doctor won’t allow you to eat.”
“Oh, I can’t eat huh……” Bai Luo Yin lifelessly muttered out.
Gu Hai softly consoled him, “Don’t worry. I’m here with you. If you don’t eat, I won’t eat rather. We can be on IV drips together. Before you can eat, I absolutely, will not, touch any food.”
Bai Luo Yin was about to say that he has gone insane…but then, he saw that Gu Hai had gathered all the food in the house together and, without any hesitation, flung it out of the window.
Are you Addicted?