BETTER to FACE it, than to AVOID it
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For three days, true to his words, Gu Hai indeed did not ingest anything. Or, more precisely, he simply did not leave the room at all within that time frame. When Bai Luo Yin was given the intravenous fluids that contained various nutrients, Gu Hai was also beside him, with a tube protruding out of his hand, receiving the same fluids.
The doctor couldn’t stand to look at this scene any longer and began to complain, his voice soaked with disapproval, “Young man, how lazy can you get? Does it take that much time and effort to just go down and find something to eat?”
Gu Hai didn’t say anything. He extended his arm out and as if signaling the doctor, he raised his chin up.
If I tell you to put the needle in, just do it. It’s not like I won’t pay you for it.
After three days of treatments, Bai Luo Yin’s body has almost recovered and returned back to normal. That was, except for some of his movements that were still, somewhat, impeded.
Once his physical strength returned, hunger will inevitably follow right after, so Bai Luo Yin indubitably understood the feeling of an empty stomach. For him, it was fairly good to just lay on the bed everyday, since he can easily cross the threshold into slumber. In that way, time slowly but surely passed by as well. For someone like Gu Hai, who’s perfectly healthy and has to take care of sick patient everyday, hunger must simply be tortuous.
“You should go and get something to eat,” those string of words trickled out of Bai Luo Yin’s lips and resonated within the room.
Gu Hai simply shook his head as his back touched the bed’s headboard, leaning into it. His eyes narrowed slightly, as if caught in some deep thought, unable to escape from it.
“It’s already been done and over with. Hurting and torturing yourself won’t give you any advantages. You should just go eat. Even if you starve yourself to death, it won’t change anything.”
A disturbingly bloodless and sallow complexion painted itself on Gu Hai’s face. Most likely, due to the events of the past few days.
“I’m not trying to gain your trust by starving and torturing myself. It’s just, I don’t have any appetite.”
No other words seeped out of Bai Luo Yin’s lips as he closed his eyes. While he waited for slumber to befell him, he felt two hands moved along his waistline.
The doctor wanted to apply medication on him…again.
The first few times, the medication was applied, the process itself was, for Bai Luo Yin, the most uncomfortable, even agonizing. After all, the doctor is also a man. And having his rear end touched by another man, was neither a grand splendor nor a glorious victory. Especially, when the injury transpired in such a mortifying and humiliating manner. For that reason alone, every time the doctor was present, he would take the pillow and buried his head underneath it. Even if the doctor had some questions for him, his lips remained tightly sealed, refusing to answer anything.
Fortunately, the doctor was a good, upright and honest person, who has great medical ethics and attitude. He not only, never taunted or ridiculed Bai Luo Yin, but also, informed him a few things that they needed to conscious of during sexual activities. He enlightened them, on the how to and various ways to enjoy a healthy and harmonious sexual intercourse. He, then went on to tell them about his encounters with these kinds of cases. Although, it was inappropriate, and probably not the best time to discuss these type of matters, it nonetheless, dispelled some of the concerns and uneasiness that had accumulated on Bai Luo Yin’s mind.
Now, he no longer used a pillow to cover his head. He had even said a few courteous words, such as ‘thank you’ before the doctor took his leave.
However, it was rather pitiful, how there is still very little verbal exchanges between him and Gu Hai.
Within these three days, their conversations consisted of no more than ten sentences.
If Bai Luo Yin doesn’t take the initiative to open his mouth and say something, Gu Hai also won’t say anything. Occasionally, he would ask him if he needed to use the bathroom and other things of that nature. If Bai Luo Yin doesn’t reply, it meant that he doesn’t need to and if he did need to, he simply shifted his body for a second. Gu Hai would then, naturally go to the other side of the bed, help him up and support him.
At night, before sleeping, as usual Gu Hai would bring a basin of hot water and wipe down Bai Luo Yin’s body.
Bai Luo Yin parted his lips and said, “There’s no need to wipe today. I’ll be going home soon anyways. It’s fine to be a bit dirty. I’ll take a good bath once I get home.”
Gu Hai’s hand stopped midway in the air, the towel held tightly within his palm. He hesitated for a few second, before he proceeded to open the comforter and shifted it to the side.
“In any case, you’re going to be leaving soon. If I can wipe you down a few more times, I’ll take that chance. It might just be the last time I get to. Later on, even if I want to, I won’t be able to.”
Bai Luo Yin doesn’t say anything else. He simply closed his eyes. With the warm towel still rubbing against his skin, he was quickly lulled into dreamland.
After he finished wiping, Gu Hai stared intently at Bai Luo Yin’s sleeping face for a very long time. He etched every single detail of the boy’s features into his memory. His feelings erupted, and unable to hold it back any longer, he gave him a kiss. But suddenly, he felt that doing something like this, only made it even harder for himself, so he pulled himself up and got off the bed.
In the middle of the night, Bai Luo Yin was dragged out of sleep. He awoken and found Gu Hai had fallen asleep. Seeing said boy fast asleep, his face in such close proximity to his own, consciousness beckoned Bai Luo Yin’s eyes to remain open. Slumber, that wretchedness, crawled its’ way back to wherever it came from.
This is the first time, since he was brought here, that he was been able to peer down and see Gu Hai sleeping.
In the past, no matter what time Bai Luo Yin woke up, Gu Hai’s eyes were always open…always. Sometimes, he stood in front of the windows. And sometimes, he sat on the bed. But most of the time, he laid silently on the bed beside him. Those anthracites colored eyes were always fixated, engrossed, in his visage.
One night, Bai Luo Yin had asked Gu Hai:
“Why don’t you sleep?”
At that time, Gu Hai did not answer right away. It was only after Bai Luo Yin had fallen into a deep deep sleep, did Gu Hai let his sonorous voice travelled throughout the room and land on Bai Luo Yin’s form.
“I want to prolong the time I have with you.”
Today, he is mostly likely dead tired. Having yet to consume any substances for the last several days and nights, it would have been strange if he was able to endure it!
The next morning, the doctor came over to check up on his health. He then, happily slapped Bai Luo Yin’s rear end.
“Young men’s body structures are indeed amazing! I even thought that with this kind of injury, you’d be lying down for at least a few more days. But right now, from the look of it, I don’t see any problems at all. When you go back, try to get as much rest as possible and remember to apply the medication on time.”
It was the first time Bai Luo Yin straightened his body and stood up. While he faced the doctor, he immediately asked his most urgent and dire question.
“Can I eat something now?”
“This……” the doctor hesitated for a second, “It should be alright, but try to eat less. Eat more liquefied food, vegetables and fruits. Also, limit the consumption of spicy food, even better, avoid it.”
Bai Luo Yin smiled and nodded his head, “I understand.”
The doctor patted Bai Luo Yin’s shoulder, “Then, I’ll be heading out now. Later on, if there’s any problems, don’t hesitate to give me a call.”
Bai Luo Yin walked the doctor toward the front door, “Take care.”
“Okay, there’s no need to see me off. Go back.”
Back in the room, Gu Hai stood rooted next to the wall. He has yet to move even the slightest. Since the doctor arrived, to the moment he took his leave, he never changed his posture, nor did he utter a single word.
Bai Luo Yin was about to pack up his belongings when Gu Hai pointed to a backpack near the nightstand. “Your things have already been packed.”
Bai Luo Yin carried the backpack and made his way toward the front door to change his shoes.
The feelings of being able to leave that bed, leave this room, was amazing.
Gu Hai also packed up his own belongings. This place belonged to female cousin and he had only borrowed it. Now, since Bai Luo Yin wanted to leave, there was no need for him to remain here any longer.
The two walked down the stairs together, neither of them parted their lips to say anything. In front of them was a thoroughfare and within every seconds or so, a taxi would pass by. To hail a taxi down, all that needed to be done was to wave one’s hand.
Bai Luo Yin took a few steps forward. He was about to raise his hand up when suddenly, Gu Hai grasped it.
“Do you really want to leave?”
Bai Luo Yin turned his head back to look at Gu Hai. A resolute and unwavering determination carved itself into those earthen eyes.
“Since before you did this kind of thing, you must have already predicted the consequences. Now, you have to willingly accept them.”
Gu Hai hesitated for a few second, unwilling to let go, but in the end he decided to loosen his firm grip.
Then, he took out a wallet from his bag, pulled out some cash and gave them to Bai Luo Yin.
“I forgot to put some money into the backpack. Keep it for the taxi ride.”
After he said this, he turned and walked away.
Bai Luo Yin gazed into the distance, his eyes lingering on Gu Hai’s back. It appeared strong and determined yet lonely and desolate at the same time. Wan and sallowness encased that structure as it gradually became a blurred and disappeared from his line of sight.
Once he got on the taxi, Bai Luo Yin opened the backpack.
Inside were medications. The medication packaging and the bottles were all switched and replaced. This was probably done out of fear that Bai Luo Yin’s family might see it. There are several article of clothing, all of which had been nice and cleanly washed. Underneath, there was something warm. Bai Luo Yin pulled it out and took a good look. It contained several lunch boxes, each layers were wrapped tightly above the other. He opened it up and saw, bland rice porridge and several common yet simple dishes such as vegetables and fishes. All of which were suggested and precisely said by the doctor. But for Bai Luo Yin, a person that had not eaten for three days, these were already the most delicious food……
After having filled his stomach with food and water, Bai Luo Yin does not head straight home, but rather, he went to find someone.
After what had transpired that day, Shi Hui was unable to come out of the shadow of that dark scene. Her entire being has become unusually depressed. She was not willing to communicate or interact with anyone. She only kept silently to herself and at times, she fell into a complete daze. Upon seeing their precious daughter with this manner, her parents became extremely anxious. They called on several psychiatrists to advise them, but there has yet to be any improvement.
It was only until now that the household’s nanny rushed over and said to Shi Hui, “There’s someone outside looking for you. He said his name is Bai Luo Yin.”
The deepest pallor and the brightest color flitted by, unfurled across Shi Hui’s skin.
Her once pale and sickly face, finally allowed some color onto it.
She immediately changed her shoes and ran out of the door.
When Bai Luo Yin saw Shi Hui, his ex-girlfriend, who had personally witnessed him being XXXX by another guy, he wasn’t the least flustered or ashamed by her presence, as he had imagined. On the contrary, he was exceptionally calm and collective.
Conversely, it was Shi Hui, who could no longer control her emotions. The moment her eyes settled on Bai Luo Yin, tears immediately cascaded from her eyes.
“Tell me, what I saw that day, were all fake.”
Bai Luo Yin remained silent for the longest time, before he calmly and quietly said, “What you saw, were all real.”
A wild and crazy rage befell Shi Hui as she looked at Bai Luo Yin and smashed her fist on his chest. With each and every punch that landed on his chest, she vented out the depression and resentment that had laid dormant within her heart.
“Why? Why did you become like this? I don’t believe it. Even when I die, I won’t believe it.”
Bai Luo Yin flung Shi Hui’s arm away. There were no longer any signs of pity or tenderness in his expression. His words held no mercy or forgiveness in them.
“You have to believe it even if you don’t want to. The truth of the matter is, the person I like is Gu Hai.”
Shi Hui’s shoulders trembled and with tears stricken eyes, she stared directly at Bai Luo Yin.
“Don’t you think what you’re doing is unusually cruel?”
Bai Luo Yin smiled indifferently, “I think, your mental capacity is strong enough to endure this. After all, you’ve already directed a shameless scene of yourself being violated by those men on the street.”
A sick, deathly pallid color sunk into and transverse into Shu Hui’s face. She no longer dared to look straight into Bai Luo Yin’s eyes, those blazing eyes. All her imaginations were nearly exhausted, engulfed, until practically nothing remained.
“When did you know this? Who told you?”
“No one told me. I came to realize it myself. You’re smarter than Gu Hai. When Gu Hai tells a lie, he never covers it up well.”
Shi Hui’s voice were sealed with some trembling sensation as she spoke, “Since you……already knew early on, why didn’t you expose me?”
“I don’t want to expose you. I know girls can be sensitive. I don’t want to put you on the spot and make you feel embarrass in front of me. Originally, I had wanted to keep this matter hidden to myself and pretend that it didn’t happen. Then, I wanted to talk to you and clear things up, so that you can give up on me. But in the end, I wasn’t able to talk to you and all these things happened. I guess, he was even more impatient than I was……” a bitter and painful smile traced along the line of Bai Luo Yin’s lips.
Shi Hui’s spirit became lost for a split second. She remained in a daze, and in this new founded stupor, she simply sat down on the stone bench nearby before the coldness of it touched upon the lower half of her body.
“Shi Hui, there’s no need to be like this. I’m not insulting you. I respect every girl, especially those that likes me. I can understand why you did this, and I can also understand the motivation for you to get me to go abroad. Everything that you’ve done for me, I will remember them all. But, I mean it when I say I don’t like you and that we’re over. I hope you have the same respect for me, and respect my decision. If you can do it, I will have more gratitude toward you.”
“Bai Luo Yin, you’ve changed. Where have all your reason and rationality gone? Your principles?”
“Now, I believe in my heart even more.”
If the scene Shi Hui had witnessed a few days ago was a fatal blow to her, now this, is the end of the world.
Bai Luo Yin then offers a last piece of advice as a friend.
“Treat yourself well. After all, in this world, you are the most important person to yourself.”
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