“Li Ge, I didn’t know. I really didn’t know!!” The slightly middle aged man collapsed to the ground and begged, “I just thought he was someone that was selling narcotics. I really didn’t know that he is one of Luo Dong’s subordinates! I really didn’t know!!!”
“Then, are you saying that I wrongly accused you?” Xiao Li slowly approached him, his entire body emitting a frightful aura. “You didn’t betray me. You’re just a bit stupid.”
The man was so scared he propped his elbow on the ground and moved back a bit.
“Li ge, I’m a bit stupid but I didn’t betray you……I’m only a bit stupid……please spare me……”
Xiao Li narrowed his sharp eyes, voice laced with coldness that belonged didn’t belong to a living person: “Then, in your next life, be a bit smarter!!” he roared.
He raised his hand and pointed the muzzle of a black gun precisely at the man.
“AHH!!!” Frightened for his life, the man let out a blood-curdling scream causing his voice to crack in pain. He could feel his own stomach twisting and curdling in fear as he let out a piteous cry: “I’ll tell you! I’ll tell you! Li ge, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know!!”
“Take him out for questioning,” commanded Xiao Li as he gave a signal to his other subordinates.
A couple subordinates came over and dragged the man out. There was a distinctive patch of water stain remaining on the floor.
“Tsk tsk tsk, isn’t this quite the shit, he was really scared witless. To even piss in his own pants, gee.” Han Jia disgustingly covered his nose. Then he called out for someone to come and tidy up the mess while walking alongside Xiao Li out the room.
“Although Luo Dong is troublesome, however his recent actions aren’t too big. I think it’s a personal grudge.”
Xiao Li took a quick glimpse at him, “You have to be careful, he’s coming after you.”
“Then he must also have the ability to something ah,” said Han Jia with disdain as if it this was something not worth doing, then he smiled, “Okay, okay, don’t mention that old pervert. Hey, tell me about it, how did you guys play yesterday? The taste of that pretty little thing was pretty good huh?”
“I sent him back home,” said Xiao Li bluntly.
“Really? Hero saving the beauty huh? Lei Feng ah?” Han Jia ridiculed him as he bumped his shouler againist Xiao Li’s shoulder again and again, “Let me tell you Xiao Li, you really missed out on a great opportunity! Don’t think this trick can bribe a young beauty’s heart like that. Be careful of that beastly teacher. He’s definitely batting on the same……must’ve had his eyes on his own student for quite a while —-“
“That has nothing to do with me,” interrupted Xiao Li.
Han Jia doesn’t understand it as he stared at him and said: “Then what did you want me to do with him? When are you coming back?”
Xiao Li remained quiet for a while, then said, “Don’t look for him later on. That kid is not willing to.”
“What bullshit are you saying? Who, who’s fucking willing to huh?” Han Jia stared blankly at Xiao Li for a moment as he immediately struck back, then the more he thought about it the angrier he became. The anger was so strong, he could feel his body trembling, then he started to shove Xiao Li back again and again, “I fucking said, who’s fucking willing to huh? Tell me clearly, who’s fucking willing to huh? Besides cheap slut, who’s fucking willing huh? Was I willing to back then? Tell me ah! Huh!! Or are you saying, back then you’re willing to —–“
“You need to calm down a bit.” Xiao Li grabbed his hand and dragged him to the side, “The situation is different, what are you going crazy for?”
being roared at by Han Jia, made Xiao Li realize that he had somewhat lose his own self-control. He calmly collected his voice and looked around, left and right.
“Sorry Han Jia, I’ve disturbed your business.” Xiao Li let out a sigh and apologized to him.
Han Jia snorted, his anger had somehow disappeared, “Anyways, the business is not mine. But, do you really want to learn from Lei Feng, or, or —–“
Xiao Li gave him an explanation: “The teacher from yesterday is Xiao Yang’s friend.”
Han Jia stared at him, his eyes widening with an expression of disbelief. “You, you just……” he was really at a loss for words as he continued to exert all his energy into his stares before he said, “It’s really worth it to be your brother. He hasn’t even personally appeared yet and you quickly helped his friend. You……” he let out another sigh: “You can’t be like this. With Xiao Yang around, you can’t be heartless at all.” After thinking about it for a few more seconds, he talked again, “It’s possible to not involve in Xiao Yang’s affairs. You’re just too freaking stubborn. In any case, you can’t go back to the righteous path, being a criminal also has its delight, so why bother?”
Xiao Li didn’t say anything.
“Why don’t you study from me? Enjoy the present while you can Xiao Li.”
He patted Xiao Li’s shoulder. Han Jia laughed with a flirtatious expression crowding his face.
“Eat when you want to eat, sleep when you want to sleep and have fun when you want to have fun. In this way, life is worth living ah!”
Early that morning, Qi Xiu Yuan heartlessly deleted Xiao Li’s phone number and for a period of time, his heart felt empty and desolate, almost as if someone had reached in and ripped all his emotions out.
Although when he still had that number in his phone, he found it difficult to even dial the number and hear that person’s voice him. But now that it was deleted, he felt even more worse, the pain was more surreal than he had imagined. It was as if, whether one of your secret desire could be fulfill or not is one matter. And actually having that desire or not having it is another matter.
Jiang Xiao Zhu asked him several times about this so-called “person that helped him out.” And that pestering only made Qi Xiu Yuan’s mood worsen.
Over time, Jiang Xiao Zhu did not ask him anymore, but every time Qi Xiu Yuan saw him, he would think of that person. It was to the point that even when class ended, he didn’t even want to look at Jiang Xiao Zhu’s face anymore.
The hardest times were at night, he had to try his hardest to let his mind be consumed with other thoughts. But your desires are a reflection of your feelings, the more you suppress it, the more intense it becomes.
For the past few days, he was not able to sleep soundly which always made him extremely faint and fatigue during the day time.
Although his spirit was high during class, but the moment it ended, his only desire was to lean forward motionless against his office. Then he would allow his brain to become a blank sheet of paper.
The group leader in the same research team was a very kind and older sister, who said to him: “Xiao Qi, is there something going on at home?”
“No,” he quickly replied without bothering to lift his head off his desk.
“Are you sick?”
“Then why have you been so restless this entire week?”
“The Unbearable Lightness of Being.”
The kind and older sister remained silent for about ten seconds before hitting Qi Xiu Yuan’s head with a textbook.
“You’re really waiting money even when you don’t have a lot. I must’ve hit you a bit too hard this time.”
She reached into her desk and pulled a sheet of report paper out before throwing it over to him.
“There’s a seminar that you should attend and listen to. It’s taking place in Yuncheng county. There’s tons of streams and mountains there, you should go and calm your feelings down a bit.”
Qi Xiu Yuan was extremely willing. Escaping the city was the same as escaping from the thoughts that plagued him.
In Yuncheng, he quickly engrossed himself in the water and mountains that surround it. For several days, he incessantly crammed his brains with new knowledge and kept his schedule busy so that he wouldn’t have any free time to think about the person that he shouldn’t.
The people that went to the seminar all thought that he was someone that didn’t get along well with the group, practically unsociable. When there was an interval in the between the meetings, not only did he not go with everyone for a tour, he was also unwilling to stay in the hotel and play poker or chess with them. He always went somewhere alone by himself and returned late at night covered in dust.
The day before the seminar ended, leaders and participants went sightseeing at a newly opened mountain terrain.
The mountain was really high so everyone rode the cable car up, but Qi Xiu Yuan was already ahead, following the mountain path alone by foot.
It was unknown for how long he had walked, but the mountain path changed to a different direction instead of going straight forward. To the side of the path, there stood a simple and crude little shrine. Sitting cross-legged in front of the temple was an old looking Buddhist monk.
Held tightly in his hands was an alms bowl, and to the side of him was a red banner that read, “It’s fate to donate, and then protect yourself from calamity.” Below those eight large characters were some small characters and a brightly colored design.
Qi Xiu Yuan suddenly felt really exhausted and sat down beside the old monk. He looked at the monk’s pitiful alms bowl; inside were only five cents worth of coins. He then looked at those small characters on the red banner again, it was concerning the cycle of karma; and stated: what is the good result in killing; what is the good result in hurting, what is the good result in lusting.
In a daze, Qi Xiu Yuan stared at it for a long while.
The designed on the bottom was explaining that after an evil person descend into hell, he will suffer all kinds of pains; struck by lightning, climb mountains constructed by blades, then fall down into a great cauldron fill of hot boiling oil. Aside from those were various other painful experiences that evildoers could face.
Qi Xiu Yuan felt a burst of sharp pain charging incessantly within his chest. His held onto his head with his hands and within seconds, trembles ruptured all over his body.
The old monk was scared for a moment from the sudden movement before he asked with a quivering tone of voice, “What’s wrong?”
Qi Xiu Yuan shook his head. After what seemed like ages, he finally stood up. He fished around for the money that he had brought with him, all together it added up to about three hundred kuai ($45 usd), afterwards he placed all of it into the old Buddhist monk’s alms bowl; even his own wrist watch was placed in as well.
The old monk was dumbstruck for a moment; he stammered, not knowing what to say.
However, Qi Xiu didn’t turn back to look at him as he made his way down the mountain through the same path that he had used going up.
He didn’t dare to look at that red banner again.
Accompanied by low sounds of birds chirping, he slowly made his way back down with the slight breeze wrapping around him.
Qi Xiu Yuan slowly calmed his breathing down.
Since you are suffering so much because of him, are you still confused?
He took out his cellphone and pressed that number he had already deleted yet had long memorized by heart.
His finger was right above the call button but he didn’t press it yet. He hovered over it for a period of time, then he suddenly smiled.
And said loudly to himself: “Qi Xiu Yuan, are you a man?”
*1 Lei Feng [雷锋] – Léi Fēng (18 December 1940 – 15 August 1962) was a soldier of the Chinese army in Communist legend. After his death, Lei was characterized as a selfless and modest person devoted to the Communist Party, Mao Zedong, and the people of China. In 1963, he became the subject of a nationwide posthumous propaganda campaign, “Follow the examples of Comrade Lei Feng.” Lei was portrayed as a model citizen, and the masses were encouraged to emulate his selflessness, modesty, and devotion to Mao. After Mao’s death, Lei Feng remained a cultural icon representing earnestness and service. His name entered daily speech and his imagery appeared on T-shirts and memorabilia.
 The Unbearable Lightness of Being – a novel by a 1984 novel by Milan Kundera, about two women, two men, a dog and their lives in the 1968 Prague Spring period of Czechoslovak history. —
The Unbearable Lightness of Being opens with a philosophical discussion of lightness versus heaviness. Kundera contrasts Nietzsche’s philosophy of eternal return, or of heaviness, with Parmenides’s understanding of life as light. Kundera wonders if any meaning or weight can be attributed to life, since there is no eternal return: if man only has the opportunity to try one path, to make one decision, he cannot return to take a different path, and then compare the two lives. Without the ability to compare lives, Kundera argues, we cannot find meaning; where meaning should exist we find only an unbearable weightlessness. The uncertain existence of meaning, and the opposition of lightness and heaviness, the key dichotomy of The Unbearable Lightness of Being, sets the stage for the entire novel.